Congratulations I Think
by Sheo Darren
Summary: What happens when your pleasantly perfect day goes down the drain all of a sudden? Nara Shikamaru is about to find out just how and why. ShikaTema. Turned into a series! Chapter Two up!
1. Shikamaru's Shock

Nara Shikamaru was enjoying the day in his usual way, staring at the clouds lazily adrift in the sky while he lay on his back listening to songbirds' melodies, when Death dropped by for a little chat.

He noticed when the birds stopped singing. He showed that he noticed it when the wind simultaneously took on both a spine-chilling cold and a burning desert heat. He'd never heard of such abnormal fluctuations in the temperature.

Cross with whoever it was who dared ruined his day, but too lazy to do much about a mere nuisance, Shikamaru opted to simply give the intruder a quick once-over.

His heart practically stopped beating in shock and fright when he saw who was coming.

It was that psychotic ninja from the village of Sand. Gaara. He was coming Shikamaru's way.

And he did not look happy.

"Oh, shit."

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_Congratulations… I Think…_**

**A Naruto Fan Fiction**

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Disclaimer:** I do not own _Naruto_. Simply read and enjoy.

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**Gaara did not look happy. He never did. Either he looked like an angry sunken-eyed zombie or an insanely rabid wolverine. He was in the former mood right now, but Shikamaru knew from experience that the already creepy Sand ninja could easily shift into his more demonic demeanor in a jiffy, and at the slightest provocation.

He was also alone. Neither that equally weird guy with the manikin slung over his back nor the sexily deadly blonde _kunoichi_ with the giant _tessen_ were present. That was odd. Gaara's lackeys –_okay,_ he considered, _scratch that impolite word on pain of being beaten to death by a giant fan_– were always there to keep an eye on him. But not now.

_Just great._The nannies were out on vacation, and the baby was all ready to rip the throat out of the dog. Or was it the other way around? Shikamaru didn't remember. He didn't care.

For some unknown reason, he found his mind considering happier thoughts. Sort of. He was thinking of Gaara's teammate. Temari. That was her name, right? Yeah, that was the girl he had beaten at the _Chuunin_ finals, the one with the costume with lots of netting and the ridiculously (but dangerous) giant fans. Now that he considered it, she wasn't a bad looking sort. Neither was she insufferable a person overall. Tough, independent, street-smart, she wasn't a bad bet. If you could get past the self-imposed armor of self-sufficiency and arrogance, then a guy could find himself exceedingly lucky.

Shikamaru caught himself then and there.

_What the hell am I thinking of her?_

No real reason why he allowed his consciousness such dalliance, not with Death at close attendance. And with Temari as the topic of his roving fantasy, too. The girl herself was dangerous if crossed. What made it worse was that Gaara seemed to regard her as a blood relative. _If he could read minds, the Sand ninja would absolutely murder me for thinking of his teammate in the way I did a moment ago._

_Is being overprotective of their sisters a trait innate to all brothers, big or little, blood relation or not?_

And if he survived this, Shikamaru still had that nagger Yamanaka Ino to deal with. If anyone could read minds, she could. Ino would raise holy hell for absolutely no good reason at all. A possessive and defensive girl, but he could understand why. Ino was still smarting. Sakura had recently cemented her victory over her rival/best friend in their war over that Uchiha guy. Stung by her loss, Ino then realized what a priceless treasure at hand that she had been virtually ignoring all along. She promptly and officially staked her claims on her teammate. And by 'teammate', she sure didn't mean Choji.

Suddenly, Death didn't seem so bad a prospect…

Not being one for useless expenditure of time and energy, he aimed an inquisitive glance at the approaching Gaara. All the while, he tried to keep his composure and tried not to show he was scared. Knowing he was outmatched and most probably a dead man, he didn't bother to put up a fight. Shikamaru also knew that Gaara could probably smell the fear off him, but his effort was calming.

_If I were to die right now, I'm happy to do so lying on my back._

In as confident and careless a tone he could muster, he asked:

"What do you want?"

Gaara stared down at him. Glowered, actually, but since his face was perpetually set like that, it was the same thing for him.

Shikamaru waited.

Then, Gaara spoke.

What the Sand ninja said would have floored Shikamaru if he had been standing up. As it was, his decision to stay on his back helped save a lot of face. Still, he would have presented a comic sight.

Gaara said: "Congratulations."

Shikamaru was not just stunned. He was devastated. He looked like he had been forced to wash down a huge bowlful of terrible-tasting Tekiyaki Udon with a whole case of that awful Refresh mineral water, both foods recently imported from that distant but assuredly horrid country called the Philippines. (That the place was horrid could be testified to by its produce. Surely no country deserving of goodness would ship such dreadful tasting water as trade goods. Maybe it was another one of Orochimaru's convoluted schemes. Who knew?) Thus, his normally-quick and clever brain on the fritz. He was not able to reply properly beyond a stupidly astonished exclamation:

"Eh?"

"You heard me the first time." Gaara did not look happy. Which was good, really, because the only times he looked happy was when he was feeling particularly bloodthirsty. But he repeated it for the sake of the idiot on the ground. "Congratulations."

"Is there anything else?" Shikamaru dared to add. Reluctantly; he didn't want to die yet.

A small tic appeared on Gaara's forehead. Or did one really do so? Shikamaru shared the general opinion that what passed for the guy's permanently aggravated-looking face was actually sand.

"Yeah, there is," he considered.

That was when Gaara became his frightening demonic self.

Shikamaru prepared himself for his inevitably painful demise at the hands of this maniac.

Gaara growled.

"If you ever make my sister unhappy, I'll track you down, corner you, inflict indescribable misery and pain upon you. And then maybe," he added very unenthusiastically, "Maybe I'll let Temari talk me into letting you live."

So saying, he stalked away. Then he stopped, reluctantly turned around and again repeated:

"Congratulations again." Then added: "I think."

And then Gaara really left.

A stupefied Shikamaru sat there where he was. He did not move or react until a full fifteen minutes after the Sand ninja had disappeared from sight and hearing. He was still alive and unable to comprehend why he survived. He also could not understand the import of the 'best wishes' Gaara gave him. Finally, what the hell did Temari have to do with all this?

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**_Congratulations… I think…_

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**And then an astonished Shikamaru did comprehend at last.

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**"WHAT THE HELL?"

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Sheo**_: Ang iksi, ano?_ This is dedicated to all the Temari-Shikamaru fans out there. Hope you enjoyed.


	2. Temari's Turn

Temari sighed.

It was a nice day in Konoha. The sun shone right even as the puffy white clouds drifted about in the same lazily content manner as a certain Leaf Shadow Jutsu user.

_Nara Shikamaru. I wonder what's happened to him?_ _Gaara was looking for him earlier. Poor bastard; what did he do to deserve that? And here I was hoping for a rematch. We never really did get to decide which of us is better._

It just wasn't right. The one man she found interesting, dead at the hands of her "brother" by day's end. Fate had a weird sense of humor.

"OI! TEMARI!"

She glanced over her shoulder (the one without the war fan handle sticking over it) and raised an eyebrow.

Yamanaka Ino glared at her.

**  
_Congratulations… I Think…_**

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Disclaimer:** I do not own _Naruto_. But I have decided to turn this into a series. So: hee hee…

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Chapter Two**

**Temari's Turn**

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**Ino did not look happy. Not that it bothered Temari. What could the girl possibly do to threaten her? Everyone knew Temari was the strongest and most skilled female _Chuunin_ fighter bar none. (Okay, maybe that Hyuuga girl and her ridiculously cheap Summoning Jutsu.) Besides, she didn't have an issue with her fellow blonde, anyway.

But what was with Ino's almost-lethal glare? Had she eaten that terrible Tekiyaki Udon noodles everyone was harping about? Did she still suspect Temari to be in cahoots with Orochimaru? (Unlikely, but considering Ino wasn't exactly the brightest light bulb around...)

And all that hostility was aimed at _her_. Oodles and oodles of resentment bled off the girl, only to be deliberately directed into the Sand ninja.

Her interest sparked, Temari decided to take up the offered challenge. "What is it, Yamanaka?"

Ino's face went through a series of changing expressions, all concerning anger. Vitriolic, explosive rage bubbled past the usually amusingly cocky facade. She seethed with hate. She might be nothing like her pet peeve on fighting terms, but she had all-overpowering anger. Hell hath no fury like an Ino scorned. (Okay, there was Sakura's "other self".)

Fists balled, standing on her toes to be on a more eye-to-eye level with the taller Temari, Ino gathered all the breath in her lungs and yelled aloud:

"GIVE BACK SHIKAMARU TO ME!"

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**Beneath the tree, Shikamaru shuddered. _Ino…_

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**Not too far from Shikamaru, Gaara's eyebrow twitched. _Maybe I should go back for that bastard and kill him, damn the consequences..._

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**Temari stared.

Ino continued glaring.

And then she began to laugh. Temari laughed her head off.

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_to be continued (for real!)_**


End file.
